A to Z #2

Would you be so kind as to feed the fish?” I asked.

X-acto knife in hand, he joked “No, but I can filet them for you.”

You’re a nerd.”

Zorro!” he yelled, whipping his X-acto knife about in a zee formation.

And this is pretty much how our day went: me doing all the chores and feedings, he doing all the joking and goofing off. Before I get too pissy about it, I should maybe take a step back. Could I be premenstrual? Damn me for thinking misogynistic ‘period brain’ thoughts!

Every so often I catch him looking at those goldfish longingly, though. For once, could he be actually considering them as a meal? Goldfish aren’t typically… or ever?… considered edible fish. However, we have been short on grocery money. I shudder at the thought.

Just because you’re hungry doesn’t mean you eat your pets, right? Koi, maybe, but common goldfish?

Lingering near the aquarium, X-acto still in hand, a bit of drool runs from the corner of his mouth.

My dear,” I ask, “are you SERIOUSLY hankering for those fish?”

No!” he says with a ‘caught me’ intonation.

Once a pet-eater, always a pet-eater. Previously, he ate his pet ferret because his buddy told him it tasted like chicken.

Quickly, I grab the knife away from him and confiscate the fish net I just discovered in his back pocket.

Really, dude?”

Snickering, he gives me a look like he just pulled one over on me. “Toothpick, please” he grins.

Unless I’m hallucinating, he’s got fur stuck between his teeth.

Very sneaky, hon,” I say with an eyeroll, “eating the hamster instead.”


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