“Would you be so kind as to feed the fish?” I asked.
X-acto knife in hand, he joked “No, but I can filet them for you.”
“You’re a nerd.”
“Zorro!” he yelled, whipping his X-acto knife about in a zee formation.
And this is pretty much how our day went: me doing all the chores and feedings, he doing all the joking and goofing off. Before I get too pissy about it, I should maybe take a step back. Could I be premenstrual? Damn me for thinking misogynistic ‘period brain’ thoughts!
Every so often I catch him looking at those goldfish longingly, though. For once, could he be actually considering them as a meal? Goldfish aren’t typically… or ever?… considered edible fish. However, we have been short on grocery money. I shudder at the thought.
Just because you’re hungry doesn’t mean you eat your pets, right? Koi, maybe, but common goldfish?
Lingering near the aquarium, X-acto still in hand, a bit of drool runs from the corner of his mouth.
“My dear,” I ask, “are you SERIOUSLY hankering for those fish?”
“No!” he says with a ‘caught me’ intonation.
Once a pet-eater, always a pet-eater. Previously, he ate his pet ferret because his buddy told him it tasted like chicken.
Quickly, I grab the knife away from him and confiscate the fish net I just discovered in his back pocket.
Snickering, he gives me a look like he just pulled one over on me. “Toothpick, please” he grins.
Unless I’m hallucinating, he’s got fur stuck between his teeth.
“Very sneaky, hon,” I say with an eyeroll, “eating the hamster instead.”