I’m not going with “a roof over my head” this year, because I’m thinking that’s obvious and almost everyone’s favorite thing to say when awkwardly put on the spot at the Thanksgiving table. Especially since the person before you just said that. I also don’t think it’s fair to leave out other things that are also really important in day-to-day life that no one even thinks to be grateful for.
Eight odd things I’m truly thankful for?
1) I’m still longer than I am wide. This may not last long after Thanksgiving, the nature of the beast and all that, so I have to be grateful for it while it’s true.
2) Drunken Pictionary. Because Thanksgiving is way more fun when someone pees their pants because that drawing of Big Bird looks more like Lionel Ritchie.
3) Candy Crush Soda. This is serious. People think this is a huge waste of time, but it’s actually my best thinking time. Candy Crush Soda is how I get things done, yo. Leave me alone.
4) Screwdrivers. All kinds. Because I can only afford furniture that comes from either thrift stores or Ikea. Solid screwdrivers help me fix things and put things together. Liquid ones help me cope with particleboard.
5) Game of Thrones. Because it makes my family seem a little less dysfunctional. And because it gives me a good answer to stupid questions. “Because winter is coming. Duh!”
6) Toilets. Because only rarely do I get the urge to poop outside.
7) Tweezers. And self-restraint.
8) Friends who help you hide the bodies. Because jail time is a waste of time.