I’m starting a series called A to Z because it’s a great creative exercise, loosening things up in a writers-blocked brain. I think it could be one hell of a lifesaver during the month of NaBloPoMo. In short, you write a story using 26 sentences, each sentence starting with the next consecutive letter of the alphabet. …
Hello, I Love You, Won’t You Tell Me Your Name?
I have issues with recognizing faces that should be familiar. This is called prosopagnosia, aka face blindness. All those years my older siblings heckled me about being dropped on my head as a baby? Maybe it was true. They also used to tell me I hatched from a piece of bird poop they found on a rock, …
Unplug.
This is a rant. I have several pet peeves, as I’m sure is pretty universal, even for peace-loving pseudo optimists. But there’s one in particular that’s really bugging me right now. I want to cry-scream from the rooftops (and maybe throw some shit), “For the love of all manners and human interaction, back away from your goddamn devices …
I’m Afraid to Open the Door.
I’ve been rabidly cleaning the house like a mofo, tidying up, and I’m living in fear. As I clean and purge my things to make space (for Christmas and, well, just to have space), I’m continually needing to take loads of discarded things out to the garage to add to the boxes to donate to …
Doing a Mini KonMari: Tidying Up
I have the house all to myself today! I thought I’d use the alone time to catch up on reading or pamper myself with a hot bath. My guys went to the in-laws’ for Thanksgiving 2.0, and though I’m missing out on some delicious ham and some good conversation, I’m happier than a puppy with …
Best Book Gifts for Moms With a Bent Sense of Humor.
Fair Warning: This post is almost completely affiliate links. Not that anyone cares, but the feds say you have to announce that stuff, right? So there it is. I couldn’t think of anything to write tonight, and spent a ludicrous amount of time browsing Amazon and cracking up at twisted “childrens” books, so I figured I’d …
Butt-Dialing
My brother butt dialed me today. I picked up the phone, “Hello?” There was no reply. “Helloooo? Bro? You there?” No reply. “Hellooooooooo? Did you butt-dial me??” Like he was going to answer that question. “HELLO??? Brother?? YOU THERE?? I hear weird sounds! I hope it’s a butt-dial…” I hung up. “Vin! My brother just butt-dialed …
I Have Herpes. But it’s Not Where You’d think.
I have herpes. Not in or around or even near my nether regions though, and i’m grateful for that, because that would be another brand of Hell. Still, it’s in a fairly horrible place, all body parts considered. It’s in my eye. Fucked up thing is? All along, I knew it would happen. I hadn’t yet heard of …
Scaling Mt. Hoard: Surrounded by Stuff
Garage cleaning is torture when you’re a hoarder. I resist the hoarder moniker, as it elicits negative and shameful connotations. You know how you feel disgust and pity when you see hoarders on TV so out-of-control they’re living in six inches of cat shit and decomposing rodents they didn’t even know existed underneath their mountains of disintegrating, …
A Quick Refresher in Figures of Speech, Part 2: Onomatopoeia
Onomatopoeia is the process of capturing sound effects in your writing. (In case you’re wondering, the word is pronounced onno-motto-pee-uh). When you drag your fingernails down a chalkboard, what sound do you hear? is it a screeeee, a clink, or a sploosh? If you chose screeeee you win a cookie. “She dragged her fingernails down the chalkboard and the screeeee caused the entire class to cringe …
